Tag Archives: pregnancy loss

Dressing the bump

So when it comes to maternity clothes, what exactly do you need?

I’ve just hit the second trimester, and although I haven’t gained any weight yet (darn morning sickness) I do have quite the little bump.

Going into a maternity store is overwhelming and pricey. I prefer to shop at store that have a smaller selection as they usually have the basics. Kohls, Target and Wal-Mart are my go to. Prices are reasonable and often you can get coupons and hit sale racks.

I went to Kohls recently and picked up some starter items. Keep in mind, you don’t just have to shop the maternity section. Look at regular sale racks for items that are stretchy already. I found a very cute dress for a beach casual wedding I’m going to at Kohls for $10. It was non maternity, but was a super stretchy knit fabric that showed off my bump in a super cute way!

Also, don’t forget to check your local thrift stores! You don’t wear maternity clothes forever, so if you can pick up a pair of jeans for $6 bucks instead of $30, why not??

Now, everyone is different, but here are items that I see as basic, versatile starters.

Maternity/Nursing Bra.

I needed one of these bras as soon as 8 weeks. I was initially worried about not having an underwire one (they are ridiculously hard to find), but found that a wireless bra works just fine. I was skeptical as I was “well endowed” in the chest area to begin with and pregnancy has only added to that. I was afraid that I wouldn’t have the support I needed in a wire free bra, and that the ladies would look saggy without formed cups and wire to keep them in line. I was pleasantly surprised. I highly recommend this particular bra from Kohls as it is very comfortable, soft, and grows with you.

https://www.kohls.com/product/prd-2703366/Maternity-Playtex-Nursing-Seamless-Nursing-Bra-4956.jsp?pfm=bdrecs-WebStore-PDP-Horizontal1-b563-231&bdrecsId=001356eb-83c0-4073-8410-1e1bbe4b1568

Maternity Tank Top.

Not only are these great for a hot summer day, but are equally a great for layering. They also work nicely for extending the life of that favorite non maternity shirt that now isn’t as long as it used to be.  Do yourself a favor and get a couple in different colors, you won’t regret it!

https://www.kohls.com/product/prd-3331313/maternity-aglow-seamless-cami.jsp?color=Dapper%20Tan&prdPV=1

Black Leggings.

Maternity or non, find yourself a nice stretchy pair of these gals. Even if you weren’t a leggings person before pregnancy, these will be a life saver. Great to wear under dresses and skirts, by them selves, to sleep in etc…You will never run out of uses for these comfy pants alternatives!

Maternity Tee.

Pair with dress pants, skirts, jeans, shorts…you name it! Dress it up, dress it down, these type of shirts are worth buying (maybe in several colors!).

https://www.kohls.com/product/prd-3023694/maternity-aglow-scoopneck-ruched-tee.jsp?color=Dark%20Dusty%20Heather&prdPV=7

As for maternity pants, I unfortunately do not have any to recommend as I have yet to find any that fit me well. It seems that maternity pants for tall people are very hard to find. While I am tall at 5’9, I am not exceptionally tall and have been surprised that it is so hard to find long maternity pants. When I do find a pair, I will let you all know!

Now, depending on what season you are pregnant, or if you are a working mama, your style, etc… here are some additional items that might be worth looking at.

Maternity winter coat: https://www.kohls.com/product/prd-3329965/maternity-aglow-quilted-puffer-jacket.jsp?color=Mineral%20Black&prdPV=1

Jeans: https://www.kohls.com/product/prd-3333340/maternity-aglow-full-belly-panel-slim-bootcut-jeans.jsp?color=Dark%20Wash&prdPV=4

Swimsuit: https://www.kohls.com/product/prd-2853913/pink-envelope-maternity-polka-dot-swimdress.jsp?prdPV=2

Skirts/pants for work: https://www.kohls.com/product/prd-3429046/maternity-aglow-full-belly-panel-ponte-bootcut-pants.jsp?color=Olive&prdPV=5

 

 

One foot in front of the other

Folks, I took another step today.

About 2 months ago I created a baby registry. I put 2 things on it and never touched it again.

Today, I filled it out with basic baby items. I felt like I needed to do something to address the fact that I still feel like I’m in denial that I’m pregnant again. I need to make this real to myself.

I just hit 11 weeks and a small bump popped up! I thought for sure it was too early, but after some research I discovered you can have a bump as early as 10 weeks if it’s not your first pregnancy.

I finally bought some maternity bras. I’ve needed them for weeks now, but even after trying 4 different stores I couldn’t find and that I was comfortable in. I really didn’t want to buy any online, but I got sick of store hopping. They will be coming in the mail soon, so here’s hoping!

Morning sickness is settling for the most part, but I can’t tell if it’s gone because I’ve been able to sleep in. The real test will be when I get another job and have to get up early in the morning again. I think this little one prefers to sleep in!

Turkey and Mistletoe

Ah, the holidays. Every loss mom’s 2nd most hated time of year.

A time to be grateful, thankful, spend time with your family. Spread cheer and good wishes. Decorations and parties, gifts and family pictures.

Well I’ll be honest. I hate all of it.

Don’t tell me to be grateful and thankful when my kids were ripped out of my life. I don’t want to spend time with family because my family is never complete. Screw your cheer and good wishes, life handed me misery and pain. I don’t have my kids to help decorate, go to cookie baking parties, help me messily wrap gifts or wear adorable outfits for the family photo.

My little one isn’t covered in mashed potatoes, or passed out in a sugar coma under the Christmas tree. There’s no making of Christmas lists or spying for Santa on the neighbors roof. I’m watching the Thanksgiving day parade and The Grinch by myself.

So how on earth do we deal with it? We stand up for ourselves and include our dearly missed children however we can.

I tell my mother in law that I am not going to church on Christmas Eve because I couldn’t give two shits about God since he took my kids away.

I unfollow my friends with little kids on social media for a bit so I don’t have to see all the cute little outfits, pictures on Santa’s lap, or faces covered in cookie frosting.

I make sure if there are any family photos that my necklace with Nyla’s ashes in it is visible on the front of my shirt.

I buy my kids Christmas ornaments every year and hang them front and center on the tree.

The holidays are a terrible time. Do what you have to to get through them. ❤

MIA

As y’all have probably noticed, I have been MIA for a bit on here. There were two reasons that I kinda disappeared. Firstly, I had a major depressive funk.

I just couldn’t bring myself out of it. The weather change didn’t help, but it was almost like my antidepressants took a vacation. I was dragging myself to work barely on time, dragging myself home to then put on pjs and curl up under a blanket. I just felt emotionally blah. I was at the point where I just didn’t feel anything. It was like I was sitting back and watching a movie of my daily life. To be honest, I’m still not fully out of it, but I do hope the worst has passed.

Secondly, as soon as I started to feel better, I found out that I was pregnant! I know we were trying, but boy, did it throw me for a loop. I couldn’t focus for a week! Needless to say, I’m scared with a dash of excitement. Every day feels like a year and I wish I could just get to the end of it.

Morning sickness has already made its appearance (I was really hoping to skip that this time!), along with bloating, headaches, back aches , hot flashes and very disconcerting intermittent pink discharge (I know it’s fine, but it scares me every time).

Morning sickness is the worst right now. I’m living on zofran and quickly finding out this kiddo’s food aversions. So far pulled pork was warned against with nausea, and Swiss cheese cubes plus ranch veggie straws were decidedly unappreciated and promptly removed from my stomach.

I’ll do weekly updates as I progress, please wish me luck!

Still “Off”

I’m not gonna lie, I haven’t been doing well lately–feeling not quite myself. The worst part is I don’t know why. I’m pretty damn sure it’s because everything in my life is changing all at one (well not EVERYTHING, but you know how it feels).

The season changed, and I suffer from SAD on top of my depression and anxiety. I got a new job, and it’s another cycle of TTC, We are heading into October which is Riley’s birthday month (Halloween to be exact), and I’m taking a swim in my past which I still don’t know if it’s gonna come back to bite me. I severed some connections that were long over due recently, and I’m in a financial battle with my old apartment complex that is sending my anxiety to 90 mph.

So after writing all that, I guess if I was doing well I would be superhuman. But dammit, I want to be superhuman and be able to handle everything. I am not good at taking one thing at a time, this isn’t the first time in my life where I have numerous changes happening at once–that’s pretty much the norm for me (sigh).

Long story short I apologize for my absence and am really trying to get back into the swing of things with writing on an every other day basis. Apparently my mind just needs to figure some shit out first and it’s gonna take it’s sweet time.

 

Project Benjamin

ALL CREDITS TO DANA DEWEDOFF

A dear friend shared this article with me and it resonated so much that I knew I needed to share it with all of you too.

https://riseforwomen.org/rise-projects/projectbenjamin

Project Benjamin #TheyMatterToo Campaign

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness

Sometimes #Struggledoesnothavealook 1 in 4 pregnancies will end in miscarriage or loss, yet how many women do you know who actually talk about it? We are the face of 1 in 4 pregnancies. Start the discussion. We wrote down the common things people say to us before and sometimes even after knowing about our losses.

The things said to us can sometimes hurt. Our babies matter too.

It appears that Michelle has the “perfect life.” Great job, fit, and is usually seen SMILING. But the truth is, Michelle lost her daughter Micah in 2012, a loss she struggles with every single day.

When Shannon is asked how many children she has, she usually gasps because she does not know what to say. Should she tell them two? Should she tell them three?

When Melissa tells people she lost her daughter Averi, at 28 weeks, they sometimes respond with, “Well you can adopt.”

People often ask Andrea when she is going to start having children. But she has one. An angel.

Dara Sawyer said that the comment that hurts her the most is “You’re so lucky! You have one of each!” But she actually has two boys and one girl. One boy is an angel.

Christina is often told “maybe it was meant to be” regarding the loss of her Son, Hunter Anthony at 25 weeks, 2 days.

At the age of 15, Aubrey was told her baby was not a “baby”. She had an abortion. Years later, she suffered a miscarriage. She again was told, “It’s not a baby.”

Christina said that many people will say, “He needs a brother!” to her. Little do they know, she has suffered the pain of losing a son shortly after birth and a miscarriage.

People have said “but he never lived” about her son Lennon, who was born still. This hurts Morgan.

Dana went for a well visit check almost every week since finding out she was pregnant. In June, she went for a routine check. She was just entering the second trimester. The doctor discovered there was no heartbeat. Minutes later, she told Dana that “it was the wrong baby. And her body was doing it’s job to get rid of it.”

 

I can’t wait to–

As you have seen from some of my previous posts, I have the joy of managing depression, anxiety, and OCD. This on top of being a loss mom can kinda put a damper on getting pregnant again. Someone suggested to me to make a list of things I am excited to do once I have another child, no matter how “trivial” I feel that they are. Take a look!

  1. Go to the Zoo and look at the elephants (my fav) and the lions (dad’s fav).
  2. Taking maternity leave.
  3. Picking out new outfits for the babe.
  4. Family pictures.
  5. Spamming my friends and family with endless baby pictures.
  6. Play-dates.
  7. Napping together.
  8. Watching my dog love my baby.
  9. Have the feeling of going back to work.
  10. Baby snuggles.
  11. Hearing my baby laugh.
  12. Bringing out my inner child–pumpkin carving, easter egg hunts, hide and seek.
  13. Feeling like I have a purpose in life.
  14. Experience their first “everything.”
  15. Teaching my child to do something.
  16. Seeing Nick happy.
  17. Being needed.
  18. Hearing them say “Mommy.”
  19. A reason to decorate an entire room with elephants 🙂
  20. Knowing if I have a baby I can do ANYTHING.

This was fun to do, and really made me focus on the positives, not the potential negatives. I think this would be super fun to do with your child’s father!