Category Archives: OCD

MIA

As y’all have probably noticed, I have been MIA for a bit on here. There were two reasons that I kinda disappeared. Firstly, I had a major depressive funk.

I just couldn’t bring myself out of it. The weather change didn’t help, but it was almost like my antidepressants took a vacation. I was dragging myself to work barely on time, dragging myself home to then put on pjs and curl up under a blanket. I just felt emotionally blah. I was at the point where I just didn’t feel anything. It was like I was sitting back and watching a movie of my daily life. To be honest, I’m still not fully out of it, but I do hope the worst has passed.

Secondly, as soon as I started to feel better, I found out that I was pregnant! I know we were trying, but boy, did it throw me for a loop. I couldn’t focus for a week! Needless to say, I’m scared with a dash of excitement. Every day feels like a year and I wish I could just get to the end of it.

Morning sickness has already made its appearance (I was really hoping to skip that this time!), along with bloating, headaches, back aches , hot flashes and very disconcerting intermittent pink discharge (I know it’s fine, but it scares me every time).

Morning sickness is the worst right now. I’m living on zofran and quickly finding out this kiddo’s food aversions. So far pulled pork was warned against with nausea, and Swiss cheese cubes plus ranch veggie straws were decidedly unappreciated and promptly removed from my stomach.

I’ll do weekly updates as I progress, please wish me luck!

Still “Off”

I’m not gonna lie, I haven’t been doing well lately–feeling not quite myself. The worst part is I don’t know why. I’m pretty damn sure it’s because everything in my life is changing all at one (well not EVERYTHING, but you know how it feels).

The season changed, and I suffer from SAD on top of my depression and anxiety. I got a new job, and it’s another cycle of TTC, We are heading into October which is Riley’s birthday month (Halloween to be exact), and I’m taking a swim in my past which I still don’t know if it’s gonna come back to bite me. I severed some connections that were long over due recently, and I’m in a financial battle with my old apartment complex that is sending my anxiety to 90 mph.

So after writing all that, I guess if I was doing well I would be superhuman. But dammit, I want to be superhuman and be able to handle everything. I am not good at taking one thing at a time, this isn’t the first time in my life where I have numerous changes happening at once–that’s pretty much the norm for me (sigh).

Long story short I apologize for my absence and am really trying to get back into the swing of things with writing on an every other day basis. Apparently my mind just needs to figure some shit out first and it’s gonna take it’s sweet time.