Ah, the holidays. Every loss mom’s 2nd most hated time of year.
A time to be grateful, thankful, spend time with your family. Spread cheer and good wishes. Decorations and parties, gifts and family pictures.
Well I’ll be honest. I hate all of it.
Don’t tell me to be grateful and thankful when my kids were ripped out of my life. I don’t want to spend time with family because my family is never complete. Screw your cheer and good wishes, life handed me misery and pain. I don’t have my kids to help decorate, go to cookie baking parties, help me messily wrap gifts or wear adorable outfits for the family photo.
My little one isn’t covered in mashed potatoes, or passed out in a sugar coma under the Christmas tree. There’s no making of Christmas lists or spying for Santa on the neighbors roof. I’m watching the Thanksgiving day parade and The Grinch by myself.
So how on earth do we deal with it? We stand up for ourselves and include our dearly missed children however we can.
I tell my mother in law that I am not going to church on Christmas Eve because I couldn’t give two shits about God since he took my kids away.
I unfollow my friends with little kids on social media for a bit so I don’t have to see all the cute little outfits, pictures on Santa’s lap, or faces covered in cookie frosting.
I make sure if there are any family photos that my necklace with Nyla’s ashes in it is visible on the front of my shirt.
I buy my kids Christmas ornaments every year and hang them front and center on the tree.
The holidays are a terrible time. Do what you have to to get through them. ❤