New Job Blues

I got a new job and I am kinda dreading the start of it. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy to be leaving my current job. Starting a new job is just…anxiety ridden.

It’s beyond the walking on eggshells to figure out which co-worker you can say what to, or is this a work friendship or are we carrying this outside of work? I can deal with small talk, the what did you do this weekend, and all that. You know what I am dreading?

“So, do you have kids?”

Sigh. Here we go. Do I explain that I have 2 kids, but they died? I can’t just leave it with “Yes”, because then they expect details. But do I really want the pitying look when I explain my kids are dead? Or even worse, the “Oh shit, I shouldn’t have asked that” deer-in-the-headlights look? Awkward.

It’s like it’s not enough that I lost 2 babes, but it has to be rubbed in whenever I make new friends/acquaintances. It puts me in such an weird place–I can’t say no, but saying yes makes it so complicated. I just wish it didn’t come up and I could share as I get closer to people on my own. But it is an unavoidable conversation–hence the anxiety.

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4 thoughts on “New Job Blues

  1. JanLaw

    Does it come back to that fact that people don’t speak about baby loss so it make it difficult ! You own it girl! I think I will always answer yes, and not care if someone feels bad because I sure don’t want people not to speak about my baby! 💋💋💋❤️❤️

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  2. CW

    ❤ I feel for you. Just go with whatever makes you comfortable. I tend to keep my personal and professional lives completely separate, most importantly because I don't want to be reduced to my childlessness/past loss (and reductionism is a basic human tendency). I don't actually feel the need for my colleagues to acknowledge or understand my fertility challenges or day-to-day emotions, especially since I also don't want to give anyone the excuse to use that against me – especially given my seniority (cue: oh she's being bitchy because ….)

    All the best in the new job – exciting times!

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