Kids–To Have or Not?

Well, Shark Week is over (thank god!) so that means it is now TTC Day 5.

Excitement meter: 7

Scared Shit-less meter: 4

Who knows, by this time next month Le Bump #3 might be making a home in my comfy uterus!

So, question for all you moms out there–have you always wanted children?

I know I haven’t. I was 100% sure I was NEVER gonna have children up until I was about 20 when I met Nick, then for the next 5 years it was 70/40% sure. The only thing that changed my mind was Nick. He had always wanted kids, 3 boys to be exact. I told him from the beginning that I wasn’t interested in having kids probably ever. He always nodded and said ok, but as our relationship developed I would occasionally pick arguments about the topic. I feared deep down he wouldn’t want to be with me if I truly didn’t end up wanting kids.

Nick is a very laid back guy and patiently answered all my rapid-fire questions. He never got mad at me about the topic, and told me he loved me for me, not for kids. He’s very good at calming me down, and bringing me back to the present when my anxiety starts spiraling into future events. He is the reason that I started wanting kids, because he made me feel safe and at home. I was able to drop my guard and trust someone, and that let me realize what I actually wanted in life–and that included kids.

Of course after losing Riley and Nyla I went through cycles of never wanting kids again–it’s easier to protect yourself from recurrent hurt than open yourself up to it. But I love Nick and I want to have a child of ours to hold. We will always be a family even if we can’t hold all of our children ❤

***For the women out there that don’t want kids–That’s fine! There is absolutely nothing wrong with not desiring children. We can all live a happy life doing what we want.***

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